"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my savior."
-Oceans by Hilsong
You are probably familiar with the song Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hilsong as I've written some of the lyrics above. Recently, those lyrics came alive for me. In a series of events that started with a mission trip to Guatemala (that I honestly didn't initially want to go on) and ending with an unexpected twist in my plans for next year, I discovered so much meaning in the lyrics of that song. "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters wherever you would call me." That first line played in my head and even came out of my mouth as I sang it in my room in Guatemala realizing that I had, despite my resistance, took a step of faith and gone anyway. In that realization, I discovered so much spiritual reward that week as I served the Guatemalan people and received so much in return.
However, the second line, "Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander and my faith would be made stronger in the presence of my savior" came alive to me after I retuned. Taking a shower, reflecting on the twist in my plans that I mentioned earlier, I heard God calling my name. "Brianna," He said, "Don't sing that song to me if you don't really want to trust me without borders and allow me to take you deeper than your feet could wander and your faith be made stronger." I was stunned. That simple statement brought to mind the many times I had been singing that song over the last few days without really wanting those lyrics to take root and action in my life.
God, you can take me deep but not where I can't see my feet beneath the water.
God, you can have my trust but I need some borders, some boundaries to be safe.
God, call me out to the great unknown but not Guatemala. Not anywhere I don't want to go. Not a place I don't know, with people I don't know.
God, allow me to grow but within my comfort zone. Where I'm safe and sound and I know everyone and everything.
It felt as if God had taken both my shoulders in his hands and shook me. "Wake up daughter!!" "Can't you see that I'VE got this? You can no longer hold onto control. You have no idea the plans and paths I have for you to take, but I do! If you are ready to follow through with what this song requires of you to do, then let go. Trust me completely. Walk on the water and let me hold you up."
I struggle with trusting that God has a plan, that he knows what's coming next and he will let me know what that plan is when the time is right. In my head I know it, but my heart wants to shout out the fact that time is running out for me to catch the train to my next destination or track in life. I'm a planner and I want to know well in advance what I am to do, go and be. But God has been teaching me especially over the last three years as I made the transition from Great Falls to Colorado Springs, that He is in control. He hasn't left me to figure things out on my own and he's not going to. I'm learning very slowly that it's OK not to have everything figured out in life, that it's OK to trust completely that God has it all under control and He's not going to let me down, that in life it's about taking one step at a time and allowing God to reveal the next one as he sees fit. There's so much more peace and joy in that assurance. I can't say I'll never stumble in this area again, but I can say that each lesson I learn, I grow more every day. I am thankful for that opportunity as well as the chance to share it with you.
